Why Did Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Really Break Up? A Gentle Exploration of Masculine-Feminine Dynamics and Self-Worth.
As someone who works with couples, I often see that men grounded in a healthy masculine identity desire a feminine energy that complements and respects their presence. While we celebrate individuality and gender fluidity—rightfully so—in all relationships, understanding the balance of masculine and feminine energies can strengthen bonds. Too much masculine energy on both sides, and you’re likely to end up with buddies, not lovers.
Carl Jung’s concept of anima and animus explains that masculine and feminine energies exist within all of us, creating two poles. For men aligned with their masculine side, they’re often drawn to feminine qualities in a partner: grace, receptivity, self-assuredness, and quiet confidence. Masculine energy is inclined to admire and protect, not to be the one chased or idolized. In my experience, this balance of energies often determines a relationship’s success.
With this perspective, let’s consider Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s recent breakup. It seems Ben, embodying traditional masculine qualities, gradually pulled away, and Jennifer later admitted feeling shattered by his distancing. So why might Ben have felt the need to step back? Here are some possible reasons why the relationship became unsustainable, with lessons on self-worth and energy balance that might resonate for many.
1. The ‘Muse’ Dynamic: Misalignment of Energies
In her documentary, The Greatest Love Never Told, Jennifer referred to Ben as her “muse,” showering him with admiration. While romantic at first glance, this dynamic can feel off-balance for a man like Ben, who may prefer to be the admirer rather than the adored. When masculine energy is idolized excessively, it can feel more like pressure than love. And he actually clearly stated in the film he was uncomfortable being a “muse.”
Women can certainly admire men, but masculine energy responds best to quiet appreciation rather than any kind of overly admiration and especially bordering with adulation. When admiration crosses into idolization, it risks becoming stifling and become a turn off. Masculine energy thrives on being valued, not revered.
2. Emotional Needs and Constant Reassurance
In the documentary, Ben describes Jennifer as a “bottomless pit of need,” hinting at a fundamental difference in their emotional needs. We see from the film, Jennifer seeking reassurance from Ben, frequently asking if she looked good or if he was happy with her appearance—acting, perhaps, more like a little girl seeking approval. It is not attractive for a man needing to reassure his woman she is very pretty and so on. Men want to say it when they want it because they actually enjoy it. Women need to not crave it. Neediness is a turn off, period.
3. Privacy vs. Publicity: Conflicting Needs for Attention
Ben has long valued privacy, while Jennifer is at ease ( if not at crave!) in the public eye. Although Ben reportedly wished to keep their relationship private, Jennifer seemed to prefer making it a focal point in her media presence. Even her mentor Jane Fonda voiced in the documentary that constant public displays with them kissing and making out - might not serve the relationship well. What was this display for? For Jen to show the world she won him back and was worthy of love?
4. Sharing Sacred Moments: Overstepping Boundaries
Jennifer’s decision to reveal deeply personal moments—like Ben’s love letters—clearly created discomfort, as seen in the documentary. Ben expressed in the film, that he valued privacy, and sharing these intimate details publicly felt intrusive to him. He didn’t like that he was jokingly called “Pen Affleck” by Jen’s associates. Was Jennifer that blind? Why would you invite the whole world into something so sacred? Well here we go - when you do that - you open it up and release it. And so it goes.
5. A Home Built on One Person’s Vision
Jennifer’s “73 Questions” Vogue tour highlighted a home reflecting her taste, her vision, and her personality. It is kind of clear for the viewers, that for Ben who entered the picture, it might have felt like he was living in Jennifer’s dreamland, the fantasy she created for herself. The movie she made with him as an actor in it.
Reports that Jennifer removed his motorcycles while he was away further suggest that Ben’s individuality might not have felt fully respected. When one partner’s vision dominates, the other can feel like a guest, not an equal. Men don’t like to be toys. It’s a turn off, unless he is gay.
By the way, soon enough, we’d see Ben quietly taking control, directing himself out of her narrative and “her” home with him. He did it with grace, gradually guiding her out of his life too.
6. Flirting with Others: A Signal That Detracts from Self-Worth
During their relationship, a video surfaced showing Jennifer dancing flirtatiously, even sticking her tongue out at a DJ. While this might seem harmless to some, for Ben—a man with traditional masculine values—this kind of behavior could easily feel disrespectful. Believe it or not, it’s often a turn-off. It might spark a challenge for a 20-year-old, but for a mature man, it’s more likely to create distance.
Why would Jennifer do this? Though she seemed deeply in love with Ben, perhaps she felt a need to make him jealous—a tactic more common among younger women. Such flirtations often aim to spark excitement, but for a secure partner, they can be a major turn-off. Actions like this can come across as immature and signal insecurity rather than strength. In trying to create excitement, Jennifer may not have realized that this behavior could ultimately drive a man further away.
7. Physical Energy: A Masculine Demeanor in Movement
Jennifer’s dance style, though skilled, often appears fast, intense, and more akin to rapper moves than soft, feminine gestures. While her 'Jenny from the Block' persona worked well in the early 2000s, it now comes across as rough and lacking grace. This quality is also evident in her walk—head down, shoulders forward, with movements that feel a bit too angular and abrupt, almost like a man’s stride. There’s a hint of a tough, 'gangsta' vibe that can overshadow the softer, feminine energy she might otherwise project. While this may not have been a direct reason for Ben pulling away, it’s possible that this vibe could eventually feel off-putting to a partner seeking a softer dynamic.
The Power of Self-Worth and Boundaries in Relationships
Post-divorce, it seemed Jennifer might learn some lessons. Yet we continue to see her dress in ways that seem more suited to a much younger woman, with mini skirts, skimpy outfits, and sky-high heels—giving off a vibe that some might interpret as desperate rather than confident. There’s nothing wrong with looking good at any age, but when it appears forced, it can become less appealing.
Her grand birthday celebration, where she performed happiness for the audience, seemed like a show. While she later admitted heartbreak, she initially projected an image of having moved on. Spending time with his kids after a break up, sending her sister to take selfies with Ben’s daughter may look so amicable and portray a “good ex-step mother”, but it also appears as an attempt to stay in his life, an unintentional reminder of desperation than of grace. Yes, a turn off, once again.
The takeaway for women is this: self-worth is everything. Seeking validation or clinging to a partner out of desperation rarely leads to lasting connection. To truly attract and keep a masculine partner, self-respect, healthy boundaries with other men, and the ability to appreciate your man—without scolding or worshiping—are essential. Radiate quiet confidence, stop seeking his validation, embrace self-assurance, and let these qualities form the foundation of your relationships. And leave him alone. Let him be.
Interestingly, The Greatest Love Never Told inadvertently documented what led to their breakup. From Ben’s discomfort with being a “muse” to Jane Fonda’s concerns over their public displays and Jennifer’s oversharing scared moments—all of that and more in the documentary unknowingly revealed the very reasons their relationship faced challenges. Without realizing it, Jennifer laid out a roadmap for what to avoid if one wants to maintain a strong, balanced relationship. Thank you, Jennifer, for the unintentional lesson. Now, please put on a classy skirt and just less ( not no more!), just less of these sky high heels!
Elena Mosaner, MS, is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Master NLP Practitioner, and ICF Certified Coach with over 15 years of experience in helping people with habit-building, conquering fears, confidence-building, performance, and other personal development and wellness issues. She is also an author and the founder of HypnoCloud, a digital hypnotherapy app. Contact us for your complimentary consultation.