Why I Refunded My $475 Hourly Fee to a Client the Other Day.
If you've ever taken an Uber, you're probably aware that both drivers and passengers rate each other. This mutual feedback system encourages both parties to remain polite and respectful. As a therapist, while we receive ratings and reviews, I believe that rating clients in return would violate privacy and just doesn't fit well with the therapeutic environment. However, this doesn't mean clients are free to be disrespectful or overly demanding during sessions. It is an archaic way to behaving towards another person. Basic politeness should be part of any human intercation.
We therapists reserve the right to choose our clients and can end a session and issue a refund if necessary. I often see new therapists making the mistake of accepting almost any client as long as they get paid. This can be detrimental. Clients who are disrespectful or display narcissistic behaviors during sessions should not be enabled. Instead, it’s crucial to address their behavior directly and, if necessary, stop the session and refund them immediately.
I usually converse with a potential client for about 15 minutes before scheduling a session. This brief interaction helps me gauge if they're ready to work with me and willing to collaborate. Yesterday, I encountered a client named Janna. She was quite forthright, somewhat cold, and used an excessive amount of psychological terminology, which felt inauthentic during our conversation. I wasn’t’ sure if she was trying to impress me, confuse me or test me. She was not a psychologist by any means. And I work with many clients who are the latter: psychotherapists and psychiatrists: conversations with them never sound like you are reciting and dissertation or a research from the New England Journal of Medicine.
Despite this, I decided to proceed to understand her issues better. She shared that she was struggling with abandonment issues and financial independence. However, her approach was guarded, showcasing a potential lack of trust and an overly self-oriented attitude. Before our scheduled session, Janna requested specific details on her invoice for her records and additionally sent me a PDF file outlining her thoughts and concerns regarding the issue she wanted to address during our session. While such actions are rare and can sometimes indicate thorough preparation, in her case, it felt like an unnecessary demonstration of control and distruct. I never asked for it. But once again, I was open-minded and stayed empathetic, I wanted to focus on helping and seeing her with an unconditional positive regard.
During the session, Janna appeared perfectly groomed but unsmiling and distant. Within the first few minutes, her frustration became apparent. When I addressed it, she admitted to feeling overwhelmed by continuous questioning and stated her desire for immediate results. Her constant phone-checking further indicated her disengagement.
I attempted to connect with her and explain the importance of the therapeutic process, but her responses suggested she felt she already knew everything I was discussing. It became clear that this session would not meet her immediate expectations for results. I decided to end the session and issued her a refund.
As she left, I could sense her disappointment—a pattern likely repeating in her life. I wished I could make her understand the need to slow down, listen, and consider the perspectives of others, including her therapist. Therapy is not just about seeking instant solutions; it's about engaging and evolving through the therapeutic journey.
I ultimately concluded that what Janna might need is a profound experience, perhaps something transformative like ayahuasca, to truly open up to herself. As for me, I'm a therapist, not an exorcist—at least, not yet.
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Elena Mosaner, MS, is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Master NLP Practitioner, and ICF Certified Coach with over 15 years of experience in helping people with habit-building, conquering fears, confidence-building, performance, and other personal development and wellness issues. She is also an author and the founder of HypnoCloud, a digital hypnotherapy app. Contact us for your complimentary consultation.