5 Things You Can Do to Harness Your Feminine Energy and Thrive in Your Personal and Professional Life.
Who is a true Goddess? She is an immaculate integration of the pristine feminine and inner masculine. She is the ultimate force of nature, both the hurricane and the calm after a storm. A Goddess honors her feminine and wisely uses her masculine. Connect with your Inner Goddess and all else will stabilize and resolve itself. All it takes is a complete understanding of feminine and masculine energy, and implementing five things you can do to harness your feminine energy in a male-dominated world.
There has been far too much confusion about what feminine and masculine is, what gender roles are, and whether gender is a social construct, biological determination or something else. We have arrived at a time when gender fluidity, androgyny and non-binary are becoming accepted socially and are culturally influencing the change in our political systems.
For years, certain roles and traits have been assigned to the feminine, like being a stay-at-home mom, not being involved in politics or in any other male-dominated positions of power, and not excelling in science, technology or engineering. In the U.S., women were not allowed to vote until 1920 and didn’t become a measurable independent force at the voting booth until 1980. In some countries women are still oppressed and controlled by the patriarchal systems which shaped western civilization, along with its political and social doctrine. This imbalance can still be seen in Hollywood, where certain male figures abuse their power over young, usually naïve, actresses looking for jobs. All these factors combine to foster rebellion in women and, for some, the rejection of their femininity.
It has become fairly obvious the feminine is often looked down upon the most by women. It is often derided as weak, disparaged as somehow “not enough,” while the masculine is often mocked or seen as toxic. Quite contradictory to that, many women see typically masculine characteristics as desired traits, like assertive, analytical, system thinking, strategic and so on. Some would even say the qualities normally assigned to the masculine are also either feminine or simply are all one, as if there are no two poles with any of the distinct qualities.
On the other hand, in the recent book “The End of Gender: debunking the Myths about Sex & Identity in Our Society” author Dr. Debra Soh presents a significant amount of scientific evidence, indicating gender is real and biological, and that there are certain specific and distinct qualities for either sex, based on the way the brain is developed. She also writes, it is possible higher prenatal exposure to testosterone can lead girls to develop boyishly, exhibiting traditional masculine traits. According to Dr. Soh, there is a difference between masculine and feminine, but it is mainly based on our biology.
Also, many studies have shown stark differences in scores between men and women in the Big Five personality test. Women usually score higher than men on extraversion, openness and agreeableness for example. This would make them more suitable for work involving relationships, caretaking, socialization and empathy.
Assuming there is a difference between masculine and feminine, we must ask: what if this difference is not only dependent on biology? What if it is also queued to the psychological and maybe even in some metaphysical form, the kind that Carl Jung talks about in the school of analytical psychology: the “animus” versus “anima,” within our psyche. Jung describes the animus as the unconscious masculine side of a woman, and the anima as the unconscious feminine side of a man. He believed anima and animus were also part of the collective unconscious and are the two primary anthropomorphic archetypes of the unconscious mind. That’s not physical. It is some sort of ethereal concept of the two poles of a man and woman.
It is possible that at any given point in life, or throughout life for some, we may gravitate to one or the other, more or less and for whatever reason, like an unseen gender spectrum within. Maybe this is what post-modernists and millennials are referring to, the nonbinary form within man and woman, being gender fluid or even neutral. I think from that regard, you may be more flexible with the idea of switching “your inner gender” and flowing from masculine to feminine or vice versa, if you wanted to.
Whether femininity and masculinity is defined by social norms, purely physical or psychological forms or all of them interchangeably, I believe it is useful to recognize the two poles within yourself and understand their distinctive traits, function and purpose. I believe that, by recognizing these inner traits of masculine and feminine, you can bring one over another if and when needed, and ultimately learn to integrate them within yourself.
I believe the recognition and integration of the two poles can establish a more sustained and healthy behavior in both men and women, and help them complement each other in a personal one-on-one relationship as well on a large macro social scale, as women to men.
More importantly, it can be quite detrimental to refuse and dismiss your feminine. As a woman, you don’t want your inner masculine – your animus - to act as an inner oppressor toward your feminine, in the same way women felt oppressed by the unhealthy masculine for centuries. The healthy approach is to end this inner battle within as we work to end it externally.
My belief and understanding of the inner masculine and feminine comes from my experience working with clients over the last two decades, as well as my own personal experience with womanhood.
About an equal amount of men and women come to me for services. Most men come for issues like public speaking, confidence, sexual performance anxiety, imposter syndrome, confidence meeting women, improving habits and focus. Women often come to me for weight loss, overcoming bad habits, confidence in public speaking & performance and relationship problems.
About half of my female clients are seeking to improve relationships, find a partner, overcome a broken heart from a break-up or divorce, deal with insecurities associated with jealousy and trusting a man, or low self-esteem. They often don’t realize, at least in the beginning, their main problem stems from not seeing their own value as a woman and neglecting their feminine.
Let’s assume there is masculine and feminine as two distinct poles perhaps based on purely biological differences but also on the ancient mythological and Jungian psychological. Two poles, where:
Feminine is about surrender, masculine is about conquest
Feminine is chaos, masculine is order
Feminine loves to be adored, masculine likes to adore
Feminine is about spontaneity, masculine is about discipline
Feminine is expressive and masculine is stoic
Feminine is nurturing and masculine is challenging
Feminine is very calm and present, masculine is analytical, and future thinking
Feminine is in the heart, masculine is often in the head
And so on.
In Jungian psychology, both feminine and masculine have their light and shadow attributes, resulting in their unhealthy spectrum. For example, as I mentioned earlier, some of the unhealthy shadow traits of the masculine are reflected in tyrannical over-dominating, pressing, punishing, and being dismissive of women behaviors. Feminine, on other hand, has the shadow which appears overly expressive, confused, dramatic, vindictive, dependent, lacking personal boundaries or being borderline manipulative.
So, it is either your feminine which could be out of whack, or your inner masculine unbalanced. Unbalanced and unhealthy animus could be over-dominating and suppressing your feminine, making it non-existent, kind of like an inner patriarch would step up and walk all over it.
I found the reasons for this disbalance and the neglect of the feminine varies from woman to woman. Once again, there may be some purely biological reasons, like exposure to a high level of testosterone in a prenatal stage, or increased levels of testosterone during maturity and so on. I also want to look at some of the possible psychological reasons for the over-masculine behavior in women or the misuse or dismissal of their feminine, all based on my work with clients and interest in women’s issues:
· Competing in male-dominated professions, and over-accentuating male qualities in order to succeed and move up the ladder
· Seeing positive results and high achievement at work or sports using your masculine traits
· Having had traumatic experiences with male tyrannical and dominant behavior (the unhealthy expression of the masculine), where their feminine was used and abused, causing unsafe feelings and resentment towards men
· An over-worked mom with chores and running the house kids, no help, and/or an unemployed husband
· Feeling confused or regretful with overusing the feminine as means to get ahead in life and/or relationships, like seduction or manipulation as one of the shadow attributes of the feminine
· Being influenced by the cultural and social old norms about limited old fashioned gender roles
· Breakups, divorces, being disappointed with men.
So now the big question is how do you restore and integrate your feminine within yourself to still be successful in life and have better relationships with men?
Here are 5 steps you should follow to restore and integrate your feminine:
1. Acknowledge your Feminine.
You need to gauge where your feminine is. Hidden, suppressed, balanced or overused. This is your first step to self-awareness.
Ask yourself these two simple questions:
What is my inner feminine?
And how do I feel about my feminine?
Be honest with yourself.
Watch out for answers like: “I don’t have it,” or “What it is it anyway?” or “It is irrelevant,” “It’s all the same,” or “My feminine is hurt,” or “She is silent or doesn’t have a voice anymore,” or “She is tired,” and so on. These types of answers are your indicators. You may have been dismissing your feminine and not operating from it when it could be useful and beneficial to you. Or it is possible you have never fully acknowledged this part of you. So take your time, contemplate on it.
2. Restore Your Feminine.
This is an invitation to heal and restore your feminine, if needed. Release any shame, guilt or resentment or anger, especially towards men. Work on self-forgiveness or forgiveness of those you believe could have hurt you. Use active imagination in meditation or self-hypnosis to send the light of forgiveness to yourself and others. Take your time and tell your feminine part, that she is significant and how much you love her.
3. Embrace Your feminine
Identify feminine qualities without mixing them with the masculine. Close your eyes and Imagine this soft nurturing, free like water flowing feminine. Surrendered, expansive, calm and gently chaotic and fearless. Let this sweet feminine energy into your body. Pretend there was such energy, if you have to. Feel her warm and gentle sweet embrace. Allow her into your experience. Meditate on it fearlessly and unashamed. Stay open. Do not resist it.
Notice how the embodiment of this energy may affect your gestures, the way you walk, your actions, and what you say, your tone of voice and pace, your posture as you go about your daily life. Experiment with it. If it feels unusual and different, be aware of it and go slowly. Know you are safe. Remember, masculine is deeply attracted to this quality. Only a healthy mature masculine can handle this pristine feminine energy. Don’t you want to be with that kind of man? Then, embrace yourself.
4. Acknowledge or balance your inner masculine.
After you acknowledge, feel and embrace your feminine part as a healthy balanced version of it, you also need to either acknowledge or balance your inner masculine. Some of you may be in touch with it already and tasted it and even fallen in love with it. Some of you may not fully know it just yet. Once again, identify masculine qualities within yourself, close your eyes and imagine how the healthy balanced masculine - stoic, king and warrior like energy flows through you and how it affects your actions in a positive way. Play with your imagination.
5. Time to meet your Inner Goddess
You are now ready to meet your integrated self. I call her Goddess.
Goddess is an immaculate balance between your healthfully balanced feminine and inner masculine. She is God in a female form, a female vessel for her feminine and masculine.
She is solid, unapologetic, authentic, confident, feminine, assertive, loving, kind, supportive, patient, fiercely focused, calm, present, nurturing, clear, forth seeing, humble and dignified– a mighty force of nature. Close your eyes and see her in front of you. Think of any women you know who resemble this archetype. You can imagine a circle of these women. Honor them and enter their circle. You are always invited. Hold hands with them. Feel their energy. Let it all in. Let this energy stay with you. Fully embrace it. You deserve it. It is yours too. Always has been and always will be. Breathe deeply as you feel your inner Goddess envelop all that you are.
Now, next time you are confronted with a challenging or difficult situation or feel like you may be losing ground or sight, ask yourself: “what would a Goddess do now, how would she respond?” Then listen to yourself and feel your Goddess’s power within again, guiding you with dignity and humility in the right direction.
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Elena Mosaner, MS, is a Certified Hypnotherapist, Master NLP Practitioner, and ICF Certified Coach with over 15 years of experience in helping people with habit-building, conquering fears, confidence-building, performance, and other personal development and wellness issues. She is also an author and the founder of HypnoCloud, a digital hypnotherapy app. Contact us for your complimentary consultation.