A Hypnotherapy session to evoke an inner Goddess.

In my hypnotherapy office, regular day. Monday morning.

“Have you heard that Jennifer Garner and her new husband have separate homes? They meet like 4 days a week and then go back to their own homes. How do you think Oprah does it? You think she is with Stedman all the time? No. They both have their individual space and homes. Well, Oprah has many homes.”

Tanya Jones found me online looking for help with confidence in her marriage. This is un unusual session, as the change the client is looking for is not so clearly defined, as with more straight forward issues I usually work with. We need to dig a bit deeper.

“So what is it, that you want to change?” I ask Tanya.

“I am tired of not having time to be myself.” said Tanya. “ I really miss my life before marriage. I love being married, don’t take me wrong, but I also enjoy space, where I don’t owe anything to anyone.”

This is one of the situations when a client talks extensively about what they don’t want. It is hard to pull out of that state into an outcome frame. The state of discomfort is too daunting.

“ I hear your frustration. You want space in your marriage. Kind of like the one you had when you were single. You also mentioned Jennifer Garner and Oprah. Are you able to have what they have— that free space and not being tied up to your partner?”

“To some degree maybe, but not in the same way, of course. We only have one house. I can’t afford another one. ” She smiles.

“Remember, we can not change other people, nor should we aim to. But we can change ourselves. Our individual experience is something we can control. So, when you think of the space in your marriage, what is in your control to help you attain that?”

“Speaking up my needs and establishing my boundaries.”

“Excellent. Now how do you do that?”

“Just plain communicating it and choosing time slots that are mine, for me and no one should invade them.”

“Now, Tanya is there anything that stands in a way to that?”

“Yes, my husband!” she says jokingly. “ Ok, in all honesty it is my own fear. I am afraid, if I tell my husband I need a day for me or 2 hours for me — only me at the beach — he will think I am bitch or a bad mother or selfish. So, I keep accommodating and constantly compromising.”

“So this is the problem. Fearing his reaction. Overly accommodating and compromising. If you spoke your needs confidently and asked for space at a specific time, what will you gain from it?”

“Me. I will find me again. Space to rejuvenate and not feel like I need to care for someone or make sure they are OK.”

“How can you communicate this and gain that space?

“Just say it.”

“And if anyone gets mad at you for speaking up, how will you handle it?”

“It is their problem. If my husband gets moody or gives me a look of judgement — I need not see it or fear it.”

“Who is this fearless woman? Who is this woman standing up for her needs and space?”

“She is a warrior of some kind. Like a fearless fierce Goddess.”

“Close your eyes, Tanya” I give her some instructions to relax and enter into the relaxing state of trance.

“Travel deep within yourself. Imagine a glowing regal Goddess standing before you. Invite your inner Goddess closer. One that knows herself and is unafraid of anyone or anything. She fears no one’s anger or judgment, she fears no loss. She moves forward in her journey towards light, always. She speaks up her needs and wants with confidence. She respects her space and and she shares it with others generously and yet she knows her limitations. She is aware of her boundaries. She is fearless. She embodies an immense glowing power…”

I guide Tanya to embody the Goddess archetype and feel the glowing power from within. I asked Tanya to repeat her key affirmations silently, while in the state of hypnosis.

“I feel a glowing power with me. I am fearless and confident. I speak up my needs and wants with confidence…”

I usually give my client a recording of the hypnosis session to listen for a few weeks after the session to reinforce the positive programming and imagery.

Two weeks later I spoke with Tanya. She said that she was surprised that her husband was very open to give her space and even going out on a lonely walk for a meditation in park. She realized that the old fear of angering someone was mainly in her head. She used to fear loss if she was not available to her family constantly. Goddess fears no loss.

As she spoke her needs for space with total confidence, she saw no one getting angry. Or at least, she chose not to see it. She was given space and time. She embodied her inner Goddess, in whose presence all of uncertainty and tension always melts away.

Tanya will be coming again the following week to help her learn Modeling Goddess archetypes further.

Disclaimer: names of clients are changed, and scenarios slightly modified.