Ridding the Imposture Syndrome with Hypnosis.

Dan White was a repeat client. He saw me a few years ago to help him overcome stage fright. He has been happy with the results, but there was something else that needed attention.

“I finish my presentation. I leave the room, I walk home and I feel like I am a total fraud. Yes, these people look up to me and I give them something they need. I educate them. I share. But, I just don’t feel like I am as good as they see me. It really bothers me.”

Dan was a CEO of a company, which he sold to one of the multinational technology companies. He became a millionaire at 27. He also grew up in a religious environment outside of New York. They went to a temple every week and followed certain religious rules and traditions at home. When Dan was a teenager he became interested in the works of Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins. They influenced him to “wake up from the religious trance, imposed at home” as he calls it.

“Elena, whatever you did last time, it really worked. I had overcome my negative thinking about public speaking and now I feel confident doing it. I just don’t like this residue feeling afterwards. I really feel like I am fooling everyone. They see me one way, but deep down I feel that I don’t fit this image I project,” says Dan.

I induce a state of hypnosis. Dan is a good subject for hypnosis therapy. He deliberately follows the instructions I give him and falls into the state of deep relaxation. I ask him to focus on the unwanted feeling, and then I instruct him to go to the first event and scene when the feeling was first experienced.

“I am in my room. I feel confused. I just brought home my report card. It’s all A’s.”

I ask him to rewind a bit to help him see what went on before, and why he feels confused. His mother slapped him in the face for tearing the jacket. The teacher called and complained that Dan was “running around the classroom stirring up the storm, causing havoc.” As we continued to go through more events, it became apparent that Dan was not appreciated for his academic achievements and instead he was frequently punished for something benign. He was verbally and sometimes even physically abused by his mother.

This is the type of session that requires some reframing of the past. As in my session with Janna, I guide Dan to invite an adult version of himself to speak with little Dan who is confused. I ask the future version of Dan to soothe little Dan. It is amazing how if you imagine and embody your future self, you can draw many useful insights and lessons.

“Hang in there little boy,” says and adult version of Dan to his younger version “you are doing just fine. Keep going with your grades. I see you. You are an excellent student. Other kids like you. You are a leader. Your mom is not feeling well. But that’s not about you. I am on your side. You are a good boy. Remember that.”

As I watch Dan, I notice that there is something else going on, I ask the “little boy” how he feels.

“I feel sad.” he says.

How can we uplift him? I wonder. I need to think quick to find a way to switch direction.

“Is there anyone in your life, who makes you happy?” I ask little Dan.

“Yes! My uncle Chris. He is so much fun. We play a lot. I wish he came more often.”

“Let’s invite him now?” ask little Dan. He nods in agreement.

In the state of deep imagination I ask Dan to imagine uncle Chris come visit him, and invite other kids to play at his home. His face lights up. He describes to me how they play some games and go outside with his cousins and friends from school. Before we leave the scene, I ask him to look around and see anything he sees, that matters.

“I see mom. She is in the kitchen looking out the window. Se looks mean.”

I want to play a perspective shift, to help Dan see everything from his mother’s point of view and gain a better understanding of the situation.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5… Imagine you now see everything through your mother’s eyes. Who are you?” I ask.

Silence.

“What is your name?” I see Dan shift in his chair. His face looks stern.

“Delila.”

“Thanks for being here. How do you feel?” I ask Delila.

“I feel nothing.”

“How do you feel about your son?”

“He is having too much fun,” she says.

“How you feel about yourself, Delila?”

“I feel nothing.” she responds.

I thank her. I guide Dan to come back to himself.

“What insight do you have?” I ask him.

“She is cold, lifeless, hurt and miserable.”

“What will you take away from this, Dan?”

“Her world is not mine. I am not her. I am good. Inherently good. I feel sorry for her. But I can not change her. Nor should I.”

“Go now deeper relaxed. You have done an incredible work Dan. Now just rest in relaxation,” I give him some space to process what happened, and guide him into a peaceful natural surroundings to heal and rest. Then I continue.

“You are good. You are intelligent. You are a great student. You know how to have fun. You are lovable. Your mom’s troubles have no effect upon you anymore. You achieve well, you speak well and you deserve the accolades given to you because deep down you are good, you deserve it. Your high achievements are always well deserved. Anyone’s mood, judgement or unfair actions have no effect upon you. It is their circus, not yours. It is their dream, not yours. Feel the freedom now.”

Dan opens his eyes. He looks at me.

“Elena, you know I feel sorry for my mom. She is not well. Her mom passed way when she was 8. Her dad disciplined them. And she never connected with her step mom. She is quite a miserable woman.”

“What will you do next?” I ask.

“I will reach out to her. Show her some ways she can work on herself and do some therapy or anything of the kind. But I am not the one to save her.”

“How do you feel about yourself now?”

“I feel relieved. I feel disoriented. I also just know that there is nothing wrong with me. I am yet to see what this will do for me. I think, I need more work with this.”

Dan leaves. I will be following up with him.

Photo by Pixabay Canva Team

Disclaimer: names of clients are changed, and scenarios slightly modified.